Andezz99 Time

Andezz99  Airport Security Tips
1. Don't wear your suspenders to the airport and if you do wear them, remember why you wear them when you take those bad boys off and put them in the security tray.  (Full Moon over Miami)
2. Leave that pocket full of nickles at home.  If you are going to Vegas and these are your "lucky" nickles, leave them at home anyway.
3. Shampoo, this is a liquid, most people don't drink it and that may be confusing but it is indeed a liquid.  Take it out of your bag and put it in the tray.
4. Slip-on's- These are a good idea if you plan to tie your big boy shoes in knots and have trouble taking them off before you go through the screening process. 
5. TSA will not buy you a drink before your "pat down", they hear this joke a hundred times a day and the only thing you may get by asking this question is a full body cavity search. 
6. The people giving you the stink eye behind you are not amused and would appreciate you hurrying through the security line.  I'm not sure where you're going be we are probably going to work, or returning home and the last thing we want to do is miss our flight because you don't follow simple directions.
7. Water?  Really, you didn't know that was a liquid?  I'll give you a pass on the shampoo but the water is like "the original liquid".  TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR BAG AND PUT IT ON THE TRAY.
8. If you don't know what toiletries are you should probably take a greyhound bus instead.
9. When you get through security, please, please, remove your tray and your items from the conveyor and move along.  It took you 15 minutes to get through the metal detector, don't make us watch you put your mess back together on the other side too.
10. When you walk to your security line (assuming you have a choice of lines to choose from), carefully evaluate your fellow travelers.  I have a ranking system of who to avoid, this may be similar to Cloney's list in "Up in the Air":

- Older people are completely confused by the airport, and they should be.  In the good ol days, they walked to a ticket counter, bought a ticket, sat in their over sized seats smoking a pack of Marlboro's and eating a 4 course meal.  They are questioning whether they are even in the U.S. anymore when they approach the airport security line.  Nothing looks familiar and now one can blame them but you can avoid them when going through security.

- Kids- Kids are generally excited to be at the airport, to go on a plane.  However, the younger and older people are, the more confused they are by simple instructions.  Put your shoes in a bin (why in the world do shoes come off the feet?).  We adults have quit asking these fundamental questions, and they are valid questions "why are we taking our perfectly good shoes off our feet and exposing them to the fungus of millions of dirty traveler feet"?  Has anyone done a test on the 10' path that leads through the security metal detector, I'm sure the Aborigines wound never survive the exposure to bacteria.  Back to the kids, they don't follow in structions, they come with a lot of extra stuff (diaper bags, toys, etc.)  Avoid them...

- International travelers- ok language is a barrier to following instructions.  I feel it when I travel abroad and acknowledge my lack of concise follow through.

The Good
- Business travelers who have a simple roller board and or back pack.  If they have any kind of airline loyalty bling like a frequent flyer status card dangling from their luggage, they probably know the routine and will not delay your journey.

- Airline staff or airport employees

- Men over women, I'm sorry ladies, the guys travel light and usually carry one less bag

I hope you find these tips helpful on your next airport trip.